Falls Apart
by roxnroll
Summary: As Kakashi struggles through a mid-life crisis, he begins to realize that the things he has taken for granted may not be there for him when he's done soul searching. Kakashi/Sakura Rated M for later chapters.
1. Falling Apart

**Falls Apart**

Chapter 1

**Falling Apart**

'_When did things get like this?'_ she thought to herself. _'Did I miss something? Have I done something to cause this?'_ She collapsed on the couch and felt the warm and salty liquid roll down her cheeks and into her parted lips.

This should have been a happy day for her. She had gone straight home after a long shift and couldn't wait to tell him. He had been away on a mission for the last 4 weeks, but she had heard from one of the gate guards that he'd returned this morning. According to them he was even uninjured. _'That's a first_,' she thought.

They had moved in together three months ago, after dating for six months, when he explained to her that it made more sense to do so, since he spent most of his time there anyway. She had agreed without any pretense and soon they were living together. This had been the happiest time of her life. She had finally found someone that she loved whole-heartedly whom she supposed, in his own way, loved her back.

It had been difficult to get to know the elusive Copy Nin, but as time passed he gave more of himself and for that she was happy. She had no idea that she would learn so much about him. She had been in charge of his care when he'd fallen into a coma six years ago from the attack on Konoha by Pein. Pein had very nearly succeeded in his plans to destroy Naruto and Konoha. Many beloved leaf ninja fell, but in the end, the Will of Fire prevailed. During his extended hospital stay, she began to learn more about the man that she once knew as Sensei. After waking from his extended slumber, Kakashi was placed on a rehabilitation program to help him learn how to re-use the muscles that had been dormant for so long. Kakashi had actually requested that Sakura be his medic for rehab, stating that he couldn't stand the thought of someone he didn't know being allowed to touch him or be around him for extended periods of time. She soon realized that for all of his faults, he was still a very intelligent man and someone she respected. She decided it was time she learned more about her former teacher. They began to spend more time together-not quite dating, but an easy friendship where they could communicate on a more intellectual level. They shared many of the same political views and he seemed to enjoy picking her brain. It turned out that he loved to analyze her every opinion, wanted or not. He also had a wonderful, but slightly lame sense of humor. Spending so much time with him also made Sakura realize that he had been a constant in her life and that she'd felt close to him even before they embarked on a relationship.

The relationship had progressed very slowly. They would find themselves amongst the same group of people who, by the end of the evening, would generally pair off and leave them to their own devices. They would end up sharing drinks, laughter and talking about their lives. It was during one of these outings that she had begun to see him not as a teacher or colleague but as a man and a very virile one at that.

She had, on occasion, seen a seductive playful side of him. She had caught him, once or twice, flirting suggestively with some of the local civilian women that frequented the local pub who were in search of a shinobi companion for the evening. Most of the time though, Kakashi kept his nocturnal activities private. It seemed that tonight he wasn't worried about propriety.

She had noticed a very beautiful woman had been watching him all evening. Sakura didn't think she was a kunoichi, but she couldn't be sure. Most likely civilian. She appeared to be approaching them, slinking her way through the bar with the confidence of a predator who had just found her evening meal. Her long, black curls were cascading over her shoulders and down her alabaster back like an evening waterfall. She was tall and lean and had the smooth sinewy grace of a panther. But what stood out the most were her icy blue eyes and the object they were focused on. Kakashi. This was going to be interesting, Sakura thought as she appraised the situation. The slinky black dress swayed with every move of the beauty's hips and Sakura could say that she was a little jealous at all of the attention that the woman received just walking through the establishment. Her shoulders were bare, except for the thin straps holding the dress in place and the neckline plunged so low that it was barely decent.

When she reached the bar where they were perched, she disregarded Sakura's presence entirely and went in for the kill. Little did she know, she had met her match.

"Hi, I'm Miyako" she purred seductively. "I noticed _you_ noticing _me."_

If she thought she could get to Kakashi so easily, she was sorely mistaken-wasn't she?

"Mmm, did you now?" he replies as he crooked his index finger motioning her closer to him.

She sidled up beside him and flashed her beautiful arctic eyes and a flirtatiously coy smile, and teasingly responded, "Yes?"

Kakashi leaned toward the beautiful vixen and in the most seductive voice Sakura had ever heard, said "Miyako, I just made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."

Sakura was dumbstruck. She had never seen or heard this slightly lame but naughty side of Kakashi. However, this apparently worked on Miyako because before she knew what was happening, he had draped his arm around Miyako and said "Sakura, duty calls. Will you be able to get home on your own?" She stood there with her mouth gaping open and stupidly nodded her head in the positive.

He was out the door before she even realized what had just happened.

It was on this night that she had noticed the change in the way she saw her former sensei.

Over the next couple of weeks, Sakura made it a point to seek him out. It really wasn't that hard to find him. In the evenings, he could be found at his favorite bar "The Whizzing Kunai". . She couldn't stop herself from coming here. She started to realize that when she was around him that her heart beat a little quicker when he looked at her. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that their relationship was shifting. They routinely met for drinks a few times a week and she found that she really looked forward to seeing him. He would even walk her home from her hospital shift on occasion and make the tattered excuse that he happened to be in the area at that precise moment.

Their once friendly teasing had become more personal, bolder, hinting at something more sensual.

One evening at the "Kunai" she was even graced with the honor of one of the lamely smooth lines that he would usually use to ensnare a warm bedfellow for the evening.

As usual, Sakura noticed him immediately when he walked into the room. Everyone did. Everything about this man screamed "Alpha". He moved with graceful fluidity, almost as if his feet hadn't touched the floor. His presence commanded attention. And he got it. She noticed the men sit up straighter when he entered the room, and the women….were waiting. For what she didn't know. Maybe to see if he was already taken for the evening. If it was possible, she thought maybe he emitted some sort of high frequency wave that only women could hear.

The moment Kakashi noticed her at the bar, he made his way towards her and Sakura swore that she could visibly see every female in the establishment sigh in disappointment.

"I was just checking you out from across the room with my Sharingan. I came over because I notice your chakra use is limited, and well let's just say I really know how to get your chakra flowing."

She almost choked on the drink she had previously ordered. Sakura didn't know whether to laugh or gape. So she decided on the obvious and laughed.

He gave her his standard-issue eye crease and turned his head toward the bartender who had appeared when he arrived,"Asahi Super Dry."

She realized two things this evening. One-Kakashi finally viewed her as a woman, if that lame pick up line was any indication. Two-tonight their relationship had shifted and she was sure that he had felt the shift too.

---------

When she told Naruto, he rooted for them. He'd always wanted her to be happy and said that if Kakashi did it for her, then more power to them. Of course, not before he asked Sakura what was under Kakashi's mask. She proceeded to tell Naruto that Kakashi had a very disgusting hairy mole that he was hiding under his treasured mask. Naruto was utterly repulsed and told her that he would never again ask to see under Kakashi's mask.

----------

Over the next two months, they spent more and more time together. Mostly they would just happen to cross each other's path and end up in the same place. He would be walking by the exact same tea shop that she happened to be having tea in. He would stop in and ask to join her. They would talk about their day or last mission while enjoying each other's company. The tea would flow continuously until it grew dark and they would eventually leave…separately.

One evening was different. She happened to be in the _Kunai_ having a drink with Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai. The boys were in a heated argument about how much wind resistance affected throwing shuriken, when he walked into the bar.

**Was it just her or did it just get really hot in here?**

He must have notice them when he entered as he immediately made his way to their booth, tucked away in the back corner of the bar.

As he approached, she noticed that the only spot available for him to sit was conveniently right beside her. _'_

Tonight must be her lucky night

Kakashi stopped in front of the table and looked over the rowdy bunch before he took his seat.

'_God, he smells good.'_ She inhaled him as covertly as possible.

Kakashi exchanged greetings with guys and they went back to their discussion. He must have noticed that she was just a spectator and took pity on her.

She was just finishing her drink when he called the waitress over to their table.

"Hey hon, what can I get you?" croaked the gravelly voice of the copper-haired, weathered waitress. It was obvious that she'd had one too many cigarettes in her lifetime.

He leaned into Sakura and whispered, "Will you let me buy you a drink?" His voice was breathy and hot against her ear. She was so overcome by his closeness that she just nodded her head dumbly in the positive. Her body was still reeling from his proximity, his smell, his breath…everything, when he began to speak.

"I'll have an Asahi Super Dry and she will have a Peach Chuhai."

"Sure thing hon" she replied as she headed to the bar to retrieve their order.

"Um.. thank you for the drink." Man, she was pathetic. She couldn't even talk around him anymore. She was just absolutely high on him.

"You're welcome" he leaned in so close that she thought he would nuzzle her neck. She could feel his breath on her throat. "Mmm, you smell so good." His masked lips were grazing her ear.

Her head jolted up to see if anyone was watching them. No one was.

She slowly turned her head and her lips where a hairs breadth from his. Sakura looked from his lips to his eye and noted that it held a look that she had never seen in him before. What was it? She wasn't very experienced when it came to men, but the way he looked at her was as if she was the only woman in the world for him in that moment.

Then as if sensing her thoughts, he leaned in and pressed his masked lips to her own. Of course the waitress returned at that precise moment with their drinks, and he pulled away, ending their brief kiss.

She was stunned, to say the least, but Kakashi was so nonchalant about it that she wasn't sure it had even happened.

They spent the rest of the evening sharing mission stories and camaraderie that only the members of team 7 could share.

Many, many drinks later, the evening was coming to a close. Sai was the first one to leave stating that he had an early mission. Naruto was next, "Well Sakura-chan, I'm off. I 'm meeting Hinata in the morning for breakfast." Then turning to look at his two male teammates," Someone make sure Sakura-chan makes it home safe, okay?" He had already turned and was making his way to the front of the bar before the last word was out of his mouth.

Sasuke peered over at his last two teammates left at the booth. He could sense something going on between them. He knew that they wanted to be alone. Bro-code dictated that he leave, and he knew that Kakashi would make sure she made it home safely. Standing up on slightly unsteady feet, he turned to his male team mate and leveled a look that said '_Take care of her'. _Kakashi nodded his head to reassure him that he would.

"Good evening Sakura" was heard as he was strolling his way out into the night.

" 'Night Sasuke!" she shouted back.

So here they were. By themselves. Alone. He cocked his head to the side and chanced a glance," Shall we?"

"Yep. We shall."

They walked into the evening fog in companionable silence. Their pace was leisurely and he was so close that she could feel the heat from his body. The night air was chilly and she almost caught herself leaning into him. As if sensing her need to ward off the chill, he gently wrapped his right arm around her bare shoulder and pulled her closer.

Inhaling him made her heady. He smelled of sandalwood and alcohol. The mixture was surprisingly intoxicating and it was doing funny things to her insides.

When they rounded the corner and her apartment had come into view, she was disappointed that the evening had ended.

For the first time in her life, she was overwhelmed with the sentiment to invite him in. Of course he had been in her apartment on several occasions, for different reasons, but only as a friend or comrade. Tonight, she wanted more.

Mustering up every ounce of her courage she timidly turned to him, and in a voice that she wasn't sure was her own spoke," Would you like to come in?"

If Kakashi was surprised that she had asked him in, he certainly didn't show it. He kept his unruffled frontage and answered, "I'd love to."

The alcohol had warmed their blood and before they knew it they were inside.

This night would be one of many firsts for her. For the first time Kakashi revealed his face to her. Beautiful was the only word she could use to describe him. His skin was lightly tanned and upon it were 2 striking eyes. One a steely grey, and one deep wine. Below them was a perfectly angular nose and two of the most beautifully full and captivating lips she had ever seen.

It was a beautiful night, one she would never forget. She had given him her first time and in return he gave her the most wonderful sexual experience of her young life. Of course, she didn't have anything to compare it to, but he was patient and gentle and had made it beautiful for her.

Sakura had never felt so special in her life.

----------

So how did she end up here? Sobbing on the couch in their home?

She had made her way home after a very long day at the hospital and then her late appointment with Tsunade; excited about the news she'd been given. She knew that this was something he would want to hear. By the time she had exited the hospital, night had fallen and she guessed it to be a little after eight in the evening. She was starving so she stopped at the market to pick up a few things to make for dinner. She had a craving for gyudon. After selecting the beef, she headed to the aisle that contained the dashi and after selecting what she wanted, she swung by the produce area to pick up some benishoga. She had the rest of the ingredients at home. She knew Kakashi would be hungry after eating nothing but dehydrated mission rations for the last four weeks. She made her way to the front of the market with her selections and made her purchase. With bags in hand, she started off towards home.

But she knew that something was off as soon as she arrived at their building. She noticed that the lights to their small apartment were not on. _'Strange'_ she thought. She trudged the last few steps and reached the landing. She sat down the two paper bags containing her groceries and reached up to remove the key that they had kept on the ledge above the door. She inserted the key and unlocked the door and turned the knob. She entered the apartment and all of the lights were off. She reached out to her left to the switch and flicked it on. Light illuminated the living area and it appeared as though the house was empty. But as a kunoichi, she knew better, because she could sense his familiar chakra coming from the bedroom.

She turned around and picked up the bags and went back through the door. Balancing one grocery bag on each hip, she quietly kicked the door shut and then equally silently slid out of her shoes. Sakura then headed to the kitchen to deposit her burden. After placing her perishables in the refrigerator, she padded through the house quietly. This was strange. Considering that he'd been gone for 4 weeks, she knew that he would wait up to see her. It was a routine for them, one she'd grown to cherish. After a long mission they would enjoy dinner together and then pleasures of the flesh until the sun came up.

She entered the dark room and could sense her lover in bed. Maybe he'd been injured after all. This was so unlike Kakashi. She waited for her eyes to adjust so she could see him properly as a sliver of moonlight entered the room through the slightly opened curtains of the bedroom window. There in their bed lay the most beautiful man she'd ever laid eyes on. He was in a supine position with his right arm thrown over his forehead in a display of utter comfort. His beautiful naked torso was on display with all the dips and contours that she knew like a well studied map. The slight scarring on his left pectoral where he had taken a kunai trying to protect a teammate and the smooth hairless texture of his skin, as well as his lean and sculpted abdominal muscles that rose and fell with each breath he took, made him a vision of perfection in her eyes. The dark silken sheet was draped loosely around his hips. Apparently he had already showered, because his silvery hair was still damp as it touched the dark pillow. This made his pale features stand out like an ethereal light in a shadowy sky. He was breath taking.

He appeared to be asleep. This puzzled her. He never came home from a mission and went to sleep before seeing her, even after the particularly bad ones. She crept closer and prepared her chakra enhanced hands to scan his body for injuries. The closer she moved to him the more she realized that he in fact was not asleep, but feigning sleep. He _wanted_ her to think that he was sleeping. Was he trying to avoid her? This train of thought stung. She pushed this feeling aside and placed softly glowing hands above his chest to do a thorough scan on his body for the injuries she was sure he was hiding.

Surely she had made a mistake, she thought. Sakura was baffled beyond belief. He _was not_ injured. In fact, he appeared to be in perfect health. So why was he feigning sleep? Why was he avoiding her?

Well if Sakura was anything, it was stubborn. So she did the only thing she could do. She pulled aside the sheet and slid into the warmth of the bed next to him. She turned to face him and draped an arm over his naked form. Immediately she felt him tense. Maybe she had startled just him. She craned her neck to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek. She then placed her head in the crook of his neck to breathe in his comforting scent of sandalwood and spice and whispered, "I'm glad you're back. I've missed you."

No response.

These words usually triggered something like _"Why don't you show me how much you missed me."_

Sakura was completely dumbstruck. Kakashi had never been like this before.

'_Maybe he hadn't heard her'_ she thought and tried again. "Kakashi, I've _really_ missed you."

With a move so sudden that she was sure she would've been thrown from the bed had it not been for her wonderful balance, Kakashi turned on his side , away from her and dislodged his body from hers while leaving her laying on her side in shock.

In her younger days, Sakura had had her fair share of rejection, but this was the first time that _Kakashi_ had ever rejected her affections. She was stunned. And utterly confused.

"I'm trying to sleep, Sakura" an apathetic Kakashi droned.

"Are you injured?" a very confused and hurt Sakura inquired.

"No."

"Are you sure Kakashi-something's wrong." A slightly panicked Sakura intoned.

"_I said_ I'm not injured, now let me sleep." he replied. She reached for his arm and the moment she'd made contact, he jerked from her touch as if he was repulsed. Had her touch repulsed him? It never had before. Startled, she withdrew her hand quickly and pushed up to her knees. She crawled down to the edge of the bed and dropped one foot after another onto the soft plush carpeting in preparation to leave. She glanced over her shoulder and proceeded to stand up and quickly leave the room. She reached the door and slipped through it and closed it behind her with a light "click".

He had always come back to tell her of his missions, omitting certain details deemed classified. This was the first time he had been so closed off. Something was definitely wrong. It worried her.

'_Maybe,'_ she thought to herself, _'maybe he's just really tired. Or maybe it was a bad mission. Yeah that has to be it. Things will be better in the morning.'_

She pulled the brick colored throw that Ino had made for her from the back of the very cozy , slightly lumpy couch and draped it over herself as she reclined her head on the black throw pillow. She then felt the tears well up in her eyes and make twin paths down her porcelain cheeks.

She only hoped that these were the possible causes-- that it was nothing more. He had really hurt her with his actions.

But despite this, she couldn't stand the idea of him not wanting her anymore.

----------

Kakashi awoke the next morning surround by the scent that had become a comfort to him. Somehow this morning though, it disconcerted him. He recalled the previous evening and the event, or lack of, that had transpired.

When he arrived home he had absolutely no desire to see Sakura. He couldn't put his finger on why but his feelings for her had started to change. He couldn't explain why he reacted the way that he did, but just that he had. It was somewhere between the second and third week his mission that he started to feel the sensation that his life was strangling him. It wasn't that she repulsed him—far from it. Sakura was one of the sexiest women he had ever met, but her touch no longer held any comfort to him. He couldn't describe it. He just no longer felt in control of his life. Not just his private life, but his professional as well. Recently he had opted to taking the more lengthy and dangerous missions. Why? He had nothing to prove-or did he?

Sakura had always been open in her feelings for him and showered him with affection whenever possible. The weird thing was that it usually didn't bother him, but the thought of that affection now was disquieting. Being away from her on this mission had caused him to rethink their relationship and he came to the conclusion that he just couldn't continue it.

She was everything that a man would ever want_; he_ just didn't want it anymore. How could he not love the strength and beauty that she displayed? She had used that strength on many occasions to keep her team safe. Granted she was beautiful to the eye, but she had an inner beauty that radiated from her and warmed all of those around her. She was also intelligent enough to land the spot of one of the top medics in Fire Country. She was trusted by her comrade's whole heartedly. She loved her friends unconditionally and was a passionate lover. She had been the first woman who was wholly open to his more carnal desires. She really was the perfect woman. She had the whole package. So why didn't _he_ want her anymore? He just didn't know.

He slid out from under the comforting sheets that smelled faintly of jasmine and quietly padded to the bathroom to go about his morning ablutions.

Once he felt refreshed, he quickly scrambled his way back to the room to grab his book and hitai-ate from the night stand. He needed to be gone before she woke up. He had no explanation for his actions but he did know that he really couldn't discuss this with her yet. He still wasn't sure what was happening.

He stepped over to the door leading out of the bedroom and into the rest of their home. He opened it swiftly, and stealthily made his way into the living room. He could feel her in this room. Her cool green energy was usually so comforting, but today it didn't offer the comfort that he usually felt. It felt constricting. He could also feel that she was sleeping. He passed the couch and regarded her. She really was beautiful. He also noticed that she had most likely cried herself to sleep.

'_Shit'_ he thought, _'I really am a bastard'_. But this thought didn't keep him from turning around, grabbing his keys from the small table beside the door and swiftly but silently leaving the apartment.

----------

The minute she heard the door shut, her eyes shot open. She had actually been awake when he made his way through the apartment. She could also feign sleep and she had felt him hesitate before leaving. Had he been watching her before he left? Why hadn't he awoken her?

It was as she had feared, it wasn't better this morning. In fact, she now knew something was wrong and she felt an unsettling feeling that she was losing him.

Pushing these thoughts aside for the moment, Sakura stretched her tired limbs. Sleeping on the couch that she once thought comfortable had proved to be a bad idea. Her whole body ached and she was exhausted. Unfortunately she really didn't have time to ponder her ailments. She had to work today and no matter how tired she felt, she had a responsibility to her Hokage and to her village.

She rose from the couch and turned to go down the hall for her morning routine. The moment her right foot stepped out to move, she lost her balance and had to reach her right hand out to steady herself on the arm of the couch. The feeling of dizziness washed over her as she tried to regain her composure. It was then that she realized that her head ached. Feeling that it must've been a combination of the lack of sleep and crying herself to sleep, she started slowly down the hall towards the bathroom with her right hand sweeping the wall in case the dizziness returned. Regardless of how she felt, she still had work to do.

Once she reached the door, she reached out and turned the bronzed knob. She entered the room and reached to her right to turn on the switch. Warm yellow light flooded the small room and if she hadn't had such a headache it would have been pleasant. The only evidence that someone had been in here previous was the residual moisture that remained from Kakashi's earlier shower.

"At least he picked up after himself," she murmured to herself.

Sakura stepped forward towards the shower stall and reached for the faucet to turn on the warm water. All she wanted to do was wash away the previous nights worry and a shower sounded like a good start. Once the water had reached a suitable temperature, she stepped in and felt the warmth encase her like a wet cocoon.

For the first time since she had awoken yesterday, she was content in the moment. She reached for her jasmine body wash and a puffy sponge and poured the liquid into the sponge to lather it up. As she began to bathe, her mind drifted to Kakashi. She really had wanted to tell him the news that she had received yesterday, but she couldn't if he was avoiding her. Deciding that she would deal with him later, she rinsed the white foam from her body and then reached for the shampoo. Pouring a quarter sized dollop into her hand she applied it to the top of her head and began to work it into a thick lather, scraping her scalp occasionally with her fingernails. She sighed loudly, 'Mmm, this feels nice.'

Rinsing the suds from her foam-covered mane, Sakura squeezed the excess water from her hair then reached for the faucet and turned it off. She mentally reprimanded herself for her moment of pampering as she grabbed her favorite fluffy towel and began to dry herself hastily. The small tranquil reprieve had already wasted enough of her time. She needed to get ready for her shift at the hospital.

After hurrying through her morning routine, she quickly dressed and made her way to the kitchen. With no time for coffee she plucked an apple from the bin to eat on the way, lest she be late. She grabbed her keys and tote bag that were on the table while sliding her feet into her shoes. She had really wanted to talk to Kakashi, but it would have to wait for now. Besides, she knew that he couldn't avoid her forever.

----------

Kakashi found himself on a leisurely early morning stroll through the village. It really was pleasant out. With book in one hand and the other fiddling around in his pocket, he noticed that the aromas wafting through his nose from the bakeries at this time were utterly delightful. He peered up from his page and also caught site of the vendors in the open air markets getting their wares ready for trade. This was his favorite time of day; he could be alone in his thoughts.

Today, his thoughts seemed to drift to Sakura and how he left her. It was obvious that she'd been crying the night before, but he couldn't find it in himself to apologize for his actions. Sure, he cared for her. He hated to see her sad, especially if he was the cause. But as of lately, he found that he had an itch that she just couldn't scratch anymore. He didn't like the idea that she was the only available pasture that he was able to graze in.

This was why, in the past, that Kakashi had really never been in a monogamous relationship. He had preferred strings of effortless one-night stands to the complex workings of a commitment. Sex was almost religion for him. He was very well practiced and he prided himself in his knowledge and abilities to worship the female temple. It was a shame to think that she would be the only one to share his vast sexual knowledge with. Maybe that was an arrogant way to think, but it was how he felt. He had always taken delight in the way he could make a woman cry out in bliss. To know that she was in the throes of passion because of what he was doing to her.

Sakura was indeed a fine partner; she had been very open -minded when it came to sex. This was somewhat surprising to him. She had always been very reserved when it came to her personal life and he was pleased that she allowed him so much inventiveness when it came to their bedroom activities. He was able to do things with her that he probably wouldn't have with another woman. She had become his playground. He was by no means a deviant but he could get very kinky if the mood arose. He came to realize that she allowed him this control because she trusted him with all of her being. Of course she'd had her time in the spotlight too. She had learned just the right way to touch him to make him sigh in contentment or to groan in pleasure. And her stamina was becoming something that rivaled his own.

But it wasn't purely sexual when it came to Sakura. She was one of his precious people. He had her feelings to consider and he had to admit that he'd never been good at feelings. Hell, he couldn't even understand his own half of the time. He knew that she loved him. She had made that quite clear as soon as she realized it. He was unsure what he felt for her though. He knew that he wanted to protect her and he wanted to see her happy, but he wasn't sure that he saw himself as the one for the job. Kakashi knew that she wanted the typical fairytale life that most women wanted, but being a shinobi, she should've realized that that those things were unrealistic. She wanted the dream house and the perfect husband. She also wanted children, and that was not something that he _ever_ wanted. The idea of having the responsibility to mold a young life in your hands was too much like teaching. This was why he didn't teach anymore. He'd already messed up the lives of the only team he'd ever trained. Why would he want to try and mess up the life of a child of his own? Things were becoming too complicated. It was time for him to move on. He was so thankful that she'd never become pregnant. He couldn't even imagine what his life would become if that had happened. It would've only made things difficult when it was time to let her go.

----------

Sakura was making her way to the Hokage tower to pick up her daily schedule as she passed the flower shop that was owned by Ino's family. She peered in and noticed her closest female friend talking animatedly on the phone. Since the attack on the village 6 year ago, she reported directly to the Hokage for her daily assignments. The loss of Shizune had put her in charge of the hospital and she had to admit, Shizune had left some very big shoes to fill. Her death had been hard on her. She had been a close friend and they worked side by side for many years. She still had a hollow feeling in her chest when she thought about her, but it was nothing compared to the anguish felt by her Shishou. Shizune had been Tsunade's closest friend and confidant. She was also her right hand. When Shizune passed on, her responsibilities fell to Sakura. It had taken a while to get a hold on all of the duties that Shizune was in charge of, but Sakura had finally fallen into a comfortable routine and tried her best to help the woman that had mentored her. This loss was something that she didn't think her Shishou would ever get over.

Deciding that she would see Ino another time, she continued on her way to the tower to start her day.

She bolted up the stairs and headed towards the end of the hall. When she reached the door she rapped on the door twice to make her presence known.

"Enter!!" boomed the voice from behind the thick mahogany door. Taking that as her cue to enter, Sakura grabbed the handle, pushed down and made her entrance.

"Morning Shishou," Sakura chirped as she walked over to the desk in the corner to retrieve her schedule.

"Morning," Tsunade laconically replied.

"Well?" Tsnuade inquired while lazily raising her left brow.

"Well what?" a somewhat confused Sakura replied as she pulled out the desk chair and took her seat.

"How did he take it?" Tsunade was really getting irritated with her lack of details. She began drumming her beautifully polished nails on her slightly chipped desk, a habit that she had picked up while waiting for explanations from one too many indolent shinobi.

"Who?" Sakura replied as she glanced up for a moment from the thick pad of paper that was her schedule.

"Hatake. How did he take the news?" she was really getting aggravated. The once drumming nails stopped all together as she interlaced her fingers together and placed them under her chin.

" Um… We didn't actually talk." Sakura murmured as she continued to thumb through what appeared to be at least two shifts worth of patients.

"Sly dog. I wouldn't put it past him to keep you up all night scre…"

"I _wish_. We didn't speak at all," Sakura interrupted. Now putting down the thick pad of paper and leveling a look at her mentor.

"Shishou? Did anything unusual happen on Kakashi's last mission?" her scintillating jade eyes searching her mentor for any clue that would lead her to what was troubling Kakashi.

"You know that's classified Sakura." She spoke seriously." I will say that nothing out of the ordinary happened, but that is all I can declare." She didn't know what this was about, but she was sure that Sakura would let her know what was bothering her when she was ready. "I'm sure that everything is fine. Don't worry."

"You have to tell me his reaction when he finds out," she spoke excitedly as she returned to drumming her fingernails.

"Um…Shishou? Please don't say anything yet, okay? If anyone tells him, I want it to be me." She had sounded so timid that she hardly recognized her own voice.

"I wouldn't dream of it Sakura. Now you'd better get to the hospital, it doesn't run itself."

"Sure thing Shishou " Sakura quipped as she proceeded to pick up her schedule, push in her chair and hastened her way over to the door leading out into the hall. Once outside, she moved at a brisk pace to the hospital to begin her day.

----------

"Kakashi, you'd better not screw this up," Tsunade mumbled as she turned herself around in her swivel chair to peer out of her scenic window and look upon her beautiful village.

She had a feeling that things were about to get very complicated.

* * *

_Thanks so much to sakuraharu. Without her wonderful guidance I would never have posted this._


	2. All Good Things

**Falls Apart**

Chapter 2

**All Good Things**

'_Finally, another day down' _she sighed heavily as she dragged herself down the brightly lit hallway toward the solace of her office. The smells of rubbing alcohol and disinfectant that she usually loathed were surprisingly pleasant this evening. Calming even. As the tranquility began to seep into her, she also realized how tired she was.

Sakura was exhausted. She had just finished a double shift and was preparing to leave earlier when an ANBU team with a critically injured cell member teleported into the emergency room.

The team had been ambushed en-route to the village. Luckily for the injured shinobi, Captain Neji Hyuuga was one of their finest and disposed of the opposing shinobi with ease, but not before his subordinate took a katana to the chest. With such knowledge of the body and its chakra points, he was able to stabilize his teammate, Hotaka, enough to transport him. But it was a good thing that Neji hadn't removed the katana from his teammate's chest or he would have died.

Sakura spent the next four hours in surgery trying to repair the damage done to Hotaka's left pulmonary vein. It had been touch and go for the first few hours, but once the tissue was fused together he stabilized. An overwhelming sense of relief washed over her knowing that he would make a full recovery.

"Sixteen hours," she voiced. She was dead on her feet and wasn't sure that she had ever been this tired in her life. She finally reached the door to her office and with one swift twist of the knob, granted herself entry.

The room was dark, but that was soon remedied by the flick of the switch on her desk lamp. Sakura sluggishly dropped the days patient files into her outbox and shrugged out of her white overcoat. She turned away from her desk and hung the coat on a hook behind her desk. She then pulled the elastic band that had been restraining her shoulder length hair and began running a hand through her tresses to loosen the tension in her scalp.

Deciding that she had been at the hospital long enough, she retrieved her tote bag from the locked cabinet by her desk, flicked off the light and made her way to the exit. She grabbed her keys from her bag walked through the door and after locking it, she turned and left down the hall.

All she wanted to do at this moment was to grab a bite to eat and slip into her warm comfortable bed with Kakashi.

'_Kakashi' _

She really hadn't had too much time to think about him today. Her duties had kept her away from her thoughts and for that she was grateful. Although now that she was on her way out, her mind had started to drift to him. She loved him. That much she knew, but she also knew _him_. She wasn't daft; she knew something had changed on that mission. He had distanced himself from her last night. When they had first started dating, she had witnessed him doing this exact thing. The minute that something troubled him he would shut her out and expect her to be okay with it. Only she wasn't. She never was.

Sakura finally made her way out of the hospital and into the street. This would be a perfect time to get her thoughts together before she made it home. She hoped that her problem with Kakashi would work itself out on its own.

They had argued before and things had always worked out. She knew she had a short fuse and lost her temper more than she would care to admit, but the strange thing was, that this felt like the aftermath of an argument that never happened.

Her sandals crunched as she shifted lightly through the graveled road. Sakura's thoughts drifted to other things.

She was bursting at the seams to tell someone about her wonderful news. She had been so stunned when she was told by Tsunade-sama that she was pregnant, and even now she felt like she had a secret that she had kept too long. Even though the news had come as a shock to her, she had already started to suspect something was wrong with her. Sakura had begun to feel ill just shortly after Kakashi had left on his extended mission. After a rather strenuous morning shift, she settled for having lunch at the hospital cafeteria and ended up losing the contents of her stomach. At first she suspected food poisoning, as hospital food was truly terrible, but it continued to happen day after day for an entire week. Thinking that she had contracted a virus of some sort, she went to see her Shishou. The news that she was eight weeks pregnant was not what she expected, at all. Tsunade was over the moon for her. She had always hoped that Kakashi would have children to continue his lineage. With their combined strength, any offspring that they had would be a hell of a shinobi one day. Sakura hoped that she would get her chance to tell Kakashi tonight. She wasn't sure how he would react, but she was thrilled.

Maybe she would meet with Naruto and Sasuke tomorrow for lunch and tell them. They would be excited for her. After Sasuke's return, the old team 7 was finally reunited. Under the name Team Kakashi, they continued taking missions. Sai had remained on the team, because technically he had been with them longer than Sasuke had and they had developed a close friendship. Stronger than friendship. Family. Okay, Sai was like the very weird cousin that you had to make excuses for, but they loved him all the same. He continued to take on ANBU assignments, but tried to be available when they needed him.

Naruto was, well…. Naruto. He still had that same carefree attitude, but Sakura knew the truth. She knew the scars that he hid. He had suffered a great loss with the death of his mentor and even after six years, he would still get a wistful look on his face when he thought about Jiraiya. He was able to finally defeat Pein after everyone else had failed. He had truly become a force to be reckoned with. During the final skirmish, Naruto was forcefully made aware by a very fearless Hinata, that she loved him. Naruto, who had apparently lived under a rock since he was twelve, was totally clueless to her feelings. She had been ready to give up her life to save his--the ultimate sacrifice to prove her love for him. Apparently that is what it took to get Naruto's attention, because he had become completely smitten with her.

Sakura was elated for them. Naruto had been like a brother to her and she wished to see him happy. Hinata would keep him content. Sakura was anxiously awaiting the day that she would receive their wedding announcement.

Sasuke had come back during the destruction of the village. Naruto had just destroyed Pein's final body, and had left in search of the true form of Pein, Nagato. Although Sasuke's original plan had been to destroy Konoha from the inside out, when he saw his former village in such ruin, he had a change of heart. When he realized that the elders and Danzou had been destroyed, he turned to lend his aid to his former comrades. His past actions were not pardoned, but the Hokage was sympathetic to his reasoning for abandoning his former home. He served six months in a minimum security facility and was let out for good behavior. Of course, if he had really wanted out, he could've escaped at any time. He had plenty of time to think about what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Luckily for them, he chose to stay and be of service to the struggling village.

He would probably never be as he once was, but he was trying to find some inner peace in the wreckage of his destroyed life. Sasuke had been dealt more heartbreak than any one person should bear, but he had his team, _his family_, and they would stick by him no matter what. He was finally dating, but decided to stick to civilian women. Much safer that way.

Sakura had realized that although she had loved him in her younger days, she was happy that they could finally be comfortable around each other in their new friendship.

Releasing herself from her thoughts, Sakura looked up at the inky sky. She was seeing less and less of the daylight these days. She would have to find a way to take some time off to spend with Kakashi. Maybe they could get away for a couple of days and be alone. That sounded nice. There were so many things that had happened since he had left on his mission a month ago. Above all else, he had always been her friend. And right now, she really needed a friend to talk to.

----------

Kakashi had spent his day like he spent most of his days when not on a mission. Training and reading. After grabbing breakfast at one of his favorite stands, he went in search of a sparring partner. Unfortunately, he only found Genma. Don't get him wrong, Genma was a top-notch shinobi and was one hell of a sparring partner. He was also a close friend. He just didn't like what came along with him. His mouth.

Genma was very loose lipped. On more than one occasion, Kakashi would find himself on the other end of a very graphic account of Genma's incredibly dynamic sex life. He could admit that just like any other warm-blooded male, he enjoyed hearing stories of others' conquests, but Genma had absolutely no shame. For Christ's sake, he knew half of the women Genma had bedded! Even with Genma's playboy reputation, the women still flocked to him in droves. Didn't they know what they were getting themselves into? Regardless, Kakashi was resigned to his fate of sparring with Genma.

Once they had finished, they both took refuge from the heat under a rather large Ginkgo biloba. The sweat had begun to dry and cool their skin. It was then, as Kakashi had started to relax, that Genma did the inevitable. He opened his mouth.

"Hey Kakashi?" Genma said in a lazy drawl after taking a drag from his water bottle.

"Hm?" Kakashi murmured from his reclining position against the enormous trunk of the tree.

"I went to the _Kunai_ last night for a drink and ran into Kurosaki Akane." Genma said nonchalantly as he waited for Kakashi to take the bait.

"Isn't she that bodacious red-headed receptionist at ANBU Headquarters?" Kakashi asked as he sipped from his own bottle of water.

'_Hook, line, and sinker'_, Genma thought as he proceeded to tell Kakashi of his latest conquest.

"The very same. We had a couple of drinks at the bar and one thing led to another and we ended up back at her place," he supplied rather proudly. Genma refused to let any woman know where he lived. He'd rather make a clean break in the morning without her knowing how find him. This kept him from having to move frequently to escape his indiscretions.

"Wow, what a surprise," Kakashi sarcastically replied as a warm gust of wind blew through his sweaty mane. It actually felt quite nice.

"Yeah, man that chick has an ass that you could bounce a ryo on. And kinky. Let me tell you, she could suck a golf ball through a straw, if you know what I mean." Genma spoke as we wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Really, I never would've pegged her for the type." Kakashi said now genuinely interested in the story Genma was trying to tell.

"Yeah? What type is that?" Genma asked curiously, downing the rest of his water bottle.

Kakashi cocked his head to the side and spoke matter of factly to him. "The type with low standards. I just didn't think she was so easy."

"She was one hell of a ride, Kakashi my man. One hell of a ride. She did things to me that I never would have imagined. And I can imagine of a lot. Dude, I think I'm in love." Genma sighed wistfully, obviously taking no offense in Kakashi's previous jab.

Kakashi chuckled. The idea of Genma falling in love was hilarious. Genma thought with his dick most of the time, he wouldn't know love if it hit him between the eyes. Leave it to Genma to think that he was in love just because he had fantastic sex.

"Does she have a sister?" Kakashi laughed in jest as he picked up his water bottle and took a swift drink. For some reason his throat seemed suddenly dry.

Genma picked up on the comment and was staggered. Kakashi never really said much when Genma spoke of his women, but today he had seemed more interested than usual. His usual replies consisted of _'Hm'_ and '_Aa'_ and other unintelligible dribble. This was the first time since Kakashi had started dating Sakura that he had commented on one of Genma's tell-alls. He had always assumed that Kakashi and Sakura had such a wonderful sex life that nothing that Genma said could compare to what Kakashi had waiting for him at home. He knew that the playground was open, when it came to Sakura and Kakashi's relationship. Although Kakashi had never actually told him this, he just knew because he knew Kakashi. They had known each other for a long time and he knew of some of his friends more adventurous exploits. It seemed that women had loose lips too.

When it came to their bedroom activities, they both wanted free rein of the women that they were pleasuring. No restrictions. Of course there weren't too many things that Genma would say no to. He really couldn't speak for Kakashi though, but he was fairly sure that Kakashi was game for just about everything. Except dudes, no dudes. They were both in agreement on this. There were way too many willing women to start batting for the same team.

So Genma did the only thing he could think of. He answered, "Um… actually, she does and she's totally hot! Her name is Miyako… or something like that."

"Miyako, you say? Hmm, I know a girl named Miyako" Kakashi asked curiously wondering if it was the same girl he had met before he had started dating Sakura.

He'd finally had enough. Genma wasn't sure what was going on but Kakashi usually didn't give two-shits about what he did, let alone ask if his latest score had a sister.

"Kakashi, what's going on? You usually don't give a rat's ass about what I do in my bedroom. Or anything else for that matter." Genma spoke exasperatedly. He leaned down to his pack that he'd laid at the base of the tree that they were sheltering under and retrieved his senbon. He placed it into his mouth and relaxed. Let people think he had an oral fixation, he knew the truth. His senbon were like a security blanket, the chewing motion helped him relax. Calmed him. It was a just a plus that the senbon aided him in honing the muscles of his lips and mouth that made him so much better at oral activities. Two-for-one, he liked to think.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kakashi replied carefully. See if he took an interest in Genma's life ever again.

"Look Kakashi, I've known you for a long time and I know that something's up. Don't give me that 'I don't know what you're talking about' shit." Genma spat, senbon bobbing as he spoke.

The warm breeze from earlier had picked up and was now accompanied by a musty smell. The smell of a rain storm. "To be honest Genma, I'm a little envious."

Genma sat beneath the tree, legs folded underneath him, blinking…stupidly. " What?"

"I mean, you explore as many women as you want and answer to no one. What's not to envy?" Kakashi said seriously. The visible parts of his face were solemn.

"Kakashi, you can't be serious man. You've got one of the hottest chicks in the fire county in your bed every night and you envy me? What's wrong with you man? I would give my left nut to have what you have. I mean come on dude, Sakura is fucking awesome."

"I know she is. It's just…I…" Running a grimy hand through his dirty hair, Kakashi really didn't know how to finish this sentence. He knew that Sakura was awesome. Any man would kill to be in his place.

"What happened, dude?" Genma asked, removing the senbon from between his lips and leveling a look to his friend. This was unlike Kakashi.

"Nothing_ happened,_ Genma." Kakashi wearily replied running a tired hand over his masked features. He really wasn't sure that he could talk to Genma about this. He didn't even like thinking about it.

"Look man, I've known you for a long time. I know when something's up but, if you don't want to talk about it, that's cool." Genma knew that Kakashi wasn't the type to share his pain. He would let it eat at him until it consumed him. The problem was, was that Kakashi was really good at hiding it. No one would ever know.

Kakashi stood, nodded his head to Genma then dusted the twigs and leaves from his dirty knees, shouldered his pack and turned in preparation to leave. Apparently Genma wasn't finished talking.

"Kakashi, do you love her?" He heard from behind him. Genma asked so plainly, the question could have been ' Kakashi, do you like lettuce?'. But Kakashi heard the question for what it was. Genma was trying to help him. If he loved Sakura then all of his problems would be solved. Right?

"I don't know, Genma." And with that Kakashi stepped forward and continued on out of the training grounds leaving an opened mouthed Genma in his wake.

He really needed a shower and some food. Sakura wasn't due home from her shift at the hospital for a few more hours. He wanted some time to think before he had to face her.

----------

Kakashi took the scenic route through the village to get home. He used his time to take in the wonderful sights and smells of this beautiful place he loved so much. He passed the academy playing fields and saw several children who had stayed after class to play ninja. Even though these children would one day carry the safety of the community on their shoulders, right now they were just kids.

He didn't think there had ever been a time that he had been that innocent. Visibly shaking his head in an attempt to clear that errant thought, he continued taking in his surroundings. He really needed to clear his head. Get some perspective. He heard a loud gurgling noise and realized that he had not yet eaten. Kakashi decided that in order to think clearly, he'd better fill his need for sustenance first.

Stopping at one of his favorite street side food stands, Kakashi pushed aside the noren and found himself a seat at the counter. The owner of the stand approached with pad in hand ready to take his order.

"Ah, Hatake-san, so good to see you again. What can I get for you today?" the very short, slightly balding man inquired.

"It's nice to see you as well, Yamada-san. I think I'll have katsudon today." Kakashi replied to him with an honest smile hidden beneath the mask. He had been coming here for years. He could honestly say that Yamada-san had the best tonkatsu in all of fire country.

"Very good, Hatake-san. It will be out shortly." the portly man spoke as he scrawled on the notepad that he'd held as he'd hurriedly made his way to the back that housed the kitchen.

Kakashi took this time to ponder his dilemma with Sakura. He really was glad that he had run into Genma today. Even though he was an ass, Kakashi considered him one of his closest friends. He had really given Kakashi something to think about. And he'd thought about it all day.

'_Do you love her?'_

This question played over and over in his mind. He leaned over and grabbed the warm wet towel that had been placed before him and began to cleanse his hands.

Did he love her? He honestly didn't know. He had only been in love once in his lifetime with his teammate Rin, and what he had with Sakura wasn't anything like it. Sure, it was strong, but was it love?

After that horrible battle with the rock nin, he had made a promise to Obito, as he lay dying, that he would take care of Rin. Following their teammates death, they both struggled to move on with their lives. They found solace in each other and eventually became lovers. Kakashi had given her his heart and she had in turn, given hers. They'd spent many years together, she had been the missing puzzle piece that made him whole. He worshipped her. He had never told Sakura about their relationship, apart from the fact that she was once his teammate.

Unfortunately, most of his heart died with her on a mission to Iwa when they were nineteen.

He was shaken from his thoughts as Yamada-san placed his order in front of him.

"Thank you, Yamada-san." He spoke softly as he inhaled his food. It smelled delicious. He was starved.

Picking up his utensils, giving thanks, then lowering his mask, he didn't have to worry about that here, he dug into his meal.

His errant memory had allowed him to consider his quandary as he picked up a tender, juicy piece of pork and placed it into his mouth.

'_Do you love her?_

He knew he cared for her deeply, but love? After his recollection of Rin and their relationship, would it even be fair to compare the two? Most likely not.

Kakashi continued eating in silence as he struggled with his thoughts.

Genma's question from earlier had led him to a decision. They needed to talk.

With his mind made up, Kakashi left some coins on the counter, thanked Yamada-san and made his way through the noren, out into the street towards home.

He still had time before Sakura got home, to shower and get his mind straight.

Tonight, he would tell her.

----------

The walk home had been a pleasant one. Sakura had been so lost in her thoughts that it didn't seem like it had taken her long to make it to her apartment building. She admired the beautiful serenity in the darkness that cast ghostly shadows on the ancient shrines she passed on her way.

Paper lanterns hung in wondrous threads, seemingly attaching the timeless structures together. The village really was magnificent. Her apartment was one such edifice that was hidden in the obscurity. But as she moved closer, hints of light signified through shaded windows of the lives that were playing out behind those apertures.

There was one apartment though, that caught her notice. It was the apartment on the second floor with the balcony doors ajar. _Their apartment_. The lights were on. Kakashi was home. Her feet slowed, scraping the ground beneath her feet.

Sakura could feel her heart beat in rapid succession. She was so nervous, but excited simultaneously. She would finally be able to tell Kakashi about their baby. Sure it wasn't planned, but she welcomed the change with open arms. She loved Kakashi. This was what she had always wanted. A fulfilling career, a man that she adored who loved her in return and sooner or later children. It didn't matter that the latter had come sooner. Typically, she wanted to be married before she had become pregnant. Details. Hopefully they could be married so that she could pass on the Hatake name to their child.

A baby would be a huge lifestyle change for the both of them, but their child would be raised in a loving home, just like she had been.

She resumed walking towards the gate that enclosed the courtyard of their apartment. She was so elated to finally get this news off her chest. Happiness welled up inside of her at the thought of Kakashi's reaction. Sakura knew that he would be surprised at first, but Kakashi would make a wonderful father.

She had always thought that he showed a tremendous amount of patience when it came to teaching, and that would transfer over when he became a father.

Sakura pushed open the gate with a squeak, and continued toward their building. Once inside, she made her way to the stairs that led to the second floor. Butterflies were dancing in her stomach. She was vacillating with anticipation.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs she began to climb. She approached the landing on the first floor, turned and continued to climb. She was immersed with happiness at the thought of being a mommy. Now all she had to do was tell Kakashi and they could start on this miraculous continuance together.

At last arriving to her door, she suddenly became apprehensive about telling Kakashi. She realized that it must be nerves. Sakura wanted this. He would too.

She shakily reached out and grabbed the handle that would lead her in. After a twist and a push, the door lurched forward allowing her entrance.

The room was flooded with light. Usually, at this time of night they only kept one lamp in the sitting room on. Sakura had always preferred a warmer light setting after being in the brightness of the hospital all day.

After placing her bag on the table beside the door, she removed her shoes. Sakura shifted forward running her right hand over her left shoulder in a kneading motion. Her muscles were aching from exhaustion and she was so glad to be home.

She was startled for a moment when a familiar voice cleared his throat to make his presence known.

Peering up, not even realizing that she had been looking down, Sakura was greeted to a most welcomed sight.

Kakashi.

He had waited up for her tonight. Something seemed off about him though. Why was he wearing his mask? He never wore his mask when he was at home.

Come to think of it, he was reclining on the couch adorned in full jounin regalia.

"Hey." Sakura softly voiced, halting the manipulation of her shoulder.

" Hey." Kakashi replied equally low.

"Mission? So soon?" she asked as she continued ahead past the lumpy couch that he was seated on.

Instead, she took a seat on the soft tan arm chair adjacent to him. She thought it would be better to give him some space, with the bomb she was about to drop on him.

"Not exactly." Kakashi mumbled.

"Kakashi, I have something I need to tell you." she rushed. If he was leaving on a mission, this may be her only chance to tell him about their baby until his return.

They were going to be parents. Excitement filled her as she gathered up her courage and started.

"Kakashi, I'm…"

"Sakura..." he cut in abruptly, not allowing her to finish.

Damn, just when she had finally gotten the chance to tell him too. Well what he had to say must have been serious for him to cut her off.

" We need to talk" he stated in the tone of voice he only used when speaking professionally.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you too, Kakashi. I'm…"

" This isn't working out for me anymore." He lifted his right hand in a placating gesture, "I'm leaving."

"Um…wow." Sakura was utterly shaken.

This wasn't something that she had ever expected to happen. A few minutes ago she had been one of the happiest women in all of the world, now she was just...nauseated

Not once did his eye ever leave hers, as if assessing her mental stability. Kakashi could see as recognition laced her features while she eyed the large duffle that sat at bottom edge of the couch.

Sakura had always been passionate about her feelings and had no problems in displaying them openly.

Tonight though, she had to keep herself in check. Despair flooded her as she fought the urge not to vomit. She swallowed the large lump that had formed in her throat and tried to will away the moisture that had threatened to spill from her eyes.

How had she been so wrong about so many things? Hadn't Kakashi loved her? Had she been so disillusioned by her own love for him that she failed to see that he did not return her affections?

What was she going to do now? She sure as hell wasn't about to tell him that she was pregnant while he was leaving her. The last thing that she wanted was for him to stay with her because he felt obligated.

Devastation welled up inside her as she realized that she was knocked up by a man who didn't love her.

She was pulled from her inner hysteria, by the voice of the one that had just crushed her heart.

"Sakura? Say something." Kakashi urged, now seemingly concerned.

"What would you have me say, Kakashi?" dragging a tired hand through tangled blush hued hair, Sakura sighed.

"Aren't you going to ask me why?" he asked her while keeping close attention to her body language.

Hell, he wasn't even sure if he could give her a reason if she asked him. Kakashi was concerned with Sakura's lack of reaction. He knew that she would be upset, but this was unsettling. He thought he had braced himself for the worst case scenario. There was no yelling, no object throwing, and no ass-kicking.

"No, Kakashi. I'm not." She spoke calmly while taking in a weary breath. The effects of her pregnancy, in addition to the excitement of telling him and finally his rejection had taken its toll on her. She was just so tired. She had no fight in her tonight.

Yes, she loved Kakashi, more than her own life, but she had been down this road before with Sasuke to a certain extent, and she refused to try to convince him to stay if he did not want to be there.

Sakura just wanted to crawl into a dark hole and cry herself to sleep.

"I don't want you to stay with me if you're unhappy. Life is too short for that, Kakashi." she whispered in defeat, the moisture now threatening to spill over the rims of her lower lids.

She rose from her seat and glanced at Kakashi, whose expression from his lone eye hadn't changed since she appeared in front of him. He appeared apathetic, uncaring.

Maybe his feelings for her never went beyond lust. That couldn't be right, could it? She knew that he cared for her, but maybe it didn't go beyond what he felt for a friend… with benefits. Sakura loathed thinking that she was being lumped in with all of the other women that Kakashi had been with.

He had always made her feel so special. It hurt to think that it had all been a lie.

Sakura then conceivedsomething that she hadn't thought of before. Kakashi was running. Things had gotten too serious for him and he was bailing out. She had seen him do this before, many times. To many women. The only difference was that now she was the one getting her heart broken.

She continued forward past the couch, she could see him from the corner of her left eye. He was still staring forward, now refusing to look her way.

"I never meant to hurt you." He said finally, unmoving.

"Too late for that Kakashi." Sakura voice barely a whisper, but she knew he had heard her words.

"You'll always be special to me." Kakashi returned mechanically.

Stumbling, she'd heard that before too. Only he was telling this to another poor soul, who sat sobbing uncontrollably as Kakashi broke the news to her.

Sakura felt this like a slap in the face. He had used her? She was nothing more to him than someone to warm his bed. This stung most of all. She was so wrong about him. He had never truly loved her and he never would. This was worse than anything that she had ever felt with Sasuke. At least Sasuke hadn't encouraged her. But their relationship, however one-sided it was, was never physical. It was fantastical. Over before it started.

Kakashi had taken her virginity, for gods sakes. She was so sure that he had been the one that she would spend the rest of her days beside.

Now she was pregnant with his child and she would be alone. With the events of the evening finally catching up to her she continued down the hallway towards their room. _Her room._

"She must have been a lucky woman." she paused her steps to speak.

"Pardon?" he replied as if he hadn't heard her correctly. His voice sound closer, clearer. He must have turned his head when he spoke.

" The one that got the best of you." A deep sigh. "But, I was always happy with what she left behind." Sakura conveyed morosely as she continued down the hall and out of his life.

She knew he wouldn't come after her. By the way he said every word with such finality; he was trying to make a clean break. Coming after her would do nothing but make things more difficult for him later.

Sakura turned the knob to her room and entered with solemn desolation. Once inside, she closed the door behind her and waited for him to leave.

He didn't waste any time, it seemed, because the moment she rested her against the door, she heard the soft click of the front entry signaling his departure.

Twin streams of crystal rolled from bright jade eyes, as Sakura finally fell apart. Confident that she was alone, she began sobbing uncontrollably. He was gone.

He was gone. Never again would she kiss his soft, tender lips. Nevermore would she find herself in his strong, comforting embrace when she awoke. His scent would not enrobe her in the softness of the linens any longer. Sakura would not have sensation of his comforting weight over her as they made love.

She was truly alone. And pregnant with his child.

Sakura had never loved another human being so much in her life. She had never told Kakashi that she loved him, being too afraid that it would jinx their relationship. She had always thought that there would be plenty of time. That one day she would tell him. Obviously she had been wrong, because she was too late.

Their time was up.

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_Many thanks to sakuraharu for her continued guidance with this story._


	3. Life Goes On Doesn't It?

**Falls Apart**

_AN: Thanks to all of you who continue to support this fic!! Lemony-lime warning ahead!!_

* * *

Chapter 3

**Life goes on-Doesn't it?**

Sooty skies peppered with iridescent specks melted into slate clouds as darkness fell over the now slumbering village. Thick translucent vapor flitted through the streets as the sultriness of the day made way for the chill of nightfall.

The faint crunching of gravel beneath Kakashi's weary feet could be heard as he traversed the now deserted streets of Konoha. The sound of crickets chirping their lullabies echoed through the resting lane as Kakashi made his way. He wasn't sure where he was going, but knew that he needed to find a place to sleep for the night.

He vaguely contemplated seeking refuge at one of his other team members' homes but that was really out of the question. They wouldn't understand his reasons for being there.

Hell, he wasn't sure that he understood his reasoning either.

Sakura was very precious to them and if he went to them he would run the risk of being asphyxiated in his sleep. Naruto in actuality was incredibly quick tempered and never contemplated his actions. Kakashi would be dead and in the ground before Naruto even considered listening to his side of the story.

He was so tired, he realized as he gave a weighty sigh. Maybe he should have waited to leave until morning when his head was lucid. He was on auto-pilot as he wandered through the village trying to procure a place to stay.

Kakashi hadn't kept his apartment when he had moved into Sakura's place; it didn't make sense to maintain his place so he had moved everything into storage. He still owned his childhood home and now that his adolescent demons were exorcised, it was time he returned.

He wasn't sure how it would feel to live alone again after sharing his life with someone. He knew that the last couple of days with Sakura had felt suffocating and she wasn't even there. It was her lingering presence that was drowning him. In the way her scent enveloped him when he entered their home, the indention of her body still visible on her lumpy couch. They were a constant reminder of her and right now, he needed to get a handle on his spiraling life. Staying there would have only dragged things out.

Things with Sakura had not turned out the way that he had anticipated. He really hadn't wanted to hurt her, but it couldn't be helped.

He had expected to have his ass soundly handed to him, maybe even to have a horrible argument but her reaction had him worried.

Kakashi recalled the look on her face when he told her that he was leaving. He knew that look and he hated that he was the one that put it there. The look was one of defeat. She had given up. He had never seen that look on her face. Not even with Sasuke. Sakura didn't deserve that, but as much as he detested hurting her he still couldn't bring himself to go back.

Tired hands made their way through wiry strands of silver as if the action would release the tension that was starting to build in his head.

He inhaled deeply taking in the cleansing brisk air as dust covered feet continued forward down the familiar gravel road of his old apartment building. He turned his head and glanced at the upper right corner apartment that resided on the second story. There was light coming through the balcony doors and that's when it hit him. He knew where he would crash for the night.

He made his way through the vacuous courtyard towards his sanctuary for the evening.

----------

"Ah Shit!! Mmm, _just_ like that baby." A husky masculine voice hissed through clenched teeth.

Long tanned digits fingered through gloriously long, thick scarlet tendrils guiding feminine features downward along his deliciously aching member.

Hazy russet eyes roamed down his own toned pectorals and tight abdominals that flexed with every movement she made and were captivated by the vision of such a luscious ruby mouth closing around him. And what a wicked mouth it was.

The female between his knees gave a particularly long draw and groaned around him.

"Nngh"

The vibrations from her throat nearly had him undone.

Callused hands groped her curls urgently, halting her, or he would meet his end sooner than he had planned. This girl truly had a gift. That mouth of hers was absolutely sinful and he was going to take advantage it.

A disappointed moan escaped her naughty little mouth.

"Mmm, but you just taste _so gooood_." She replied huskily, her wet temperate tongue darting out to taste his tip.

Yep, she was too good.

If he had been in his right mind, he would have moved them to a location better suited, but he wasn't at the moment. Hell if he'd been in his right mind, she wouldn't even be here.

Instead he was on this rather comfortable couch; shirtless, pants open, and a rather beautiful red-head between his knees giving him one-hell of a blow job.

He angled his head to rest on the back of the couch and clenched his eyes tight, as if doing so would ward off the wet slurping sounds coming from below. If he concentrated on what she was doing, he would be done for.

She was all lips and hands and overwhelming. He felt a shift in her position as her hands disappeared from the equation and felt himself hit the back of her throat.

'_Fuck!'_ He thought to himself as he felt her relax her throat muscles to take in more of him.

"That's right baby, take it all." He groaned.

And take it all she did. This chick should get paid for a mouth like hers. He could feel her cadence hasten and he knew she was pushing him to conclusion.

One more hard suck and he could feel his fleshy sacs, heavy with desire, constrict in preparation for release. Dainty fingers lightly massaged the plump globes to coax him to her bidding.

His blood was pounding hard in his ears, his body feverish as masculine shouting dimly filtered into the edges of his perception.

'_Is that me?'_ he thought for a brief second before his stomach clenched and he released hot, salty fluid from his now spent body to the waiting mouth below him.

He was the kind of guy who felt like every orgasm he had was better than the one before and he intended to research it to its full extent.

His mind was completely foggy and his body was totally depleted from the insanely intense pleasure that she had given him. As much as the urge to lean over on this couch and catch a nap was gripping him, he had a rep to protect. First he would drive her crazy with his delightfully corrupt mouth, then she would become delirious when he took her with his body.

"You okay down there baby?" he rasped, chest still heaving as his body struggled to regain his breathing.

"Mmm, yummy." She purred as a red manicured thumb and index finger of one hand reached up to dab at the corners of her lips. Radiant cobalt eyes peered up at him, his softening shaft still in her slowly moving hand.

He gently moved his hands from her hair and down her shoulders and tenderly brought her up to him. He'd have time to bask in the warm afterglow later. Right now, he had a job to do.

He was aching to taste her luscious lips as he leaned in to savor her. As their warm wet flesh met, he could feel her breath shudder as one hand reached to caress the back of her neck and the other slid down to splay at her hip.

Here she was, this scandalously beautiful woman hovering over him as he remained in his earlier position on the couch.

He would change that right now. Faster than she could fathom, he switched their position and began to slowly lower the skinny straps of her silky apricot toned dress.

Her succulent lips tasted faintly of him and the underlying hint of cranberry. She was sweet and tart all at once.

His hands continued to caress down her bare arms taking along the slips of material covering her from his hungry eyes. She truly was an exotic beauty. Elegantly long carmine hued hair flowed luxuriously over lightly scented opulent flesh. Even more beautiful was the almond shaped cerulean eyes that gave way to long lush auburn lashes.

And her mouth, he couldn't say enough about it. Her lips, stained in red, were plump and evenly proportioned. When she smiled, she did so with great luminosity. But this wasn't as fascinating as what she did with that mouth. This mouth had made him lose all sense of self preservation and drop his guard. Damning the consequences, he decided he'd deal with the fall out later.

His warm hands continued to remove the silken fabric from her equally tender skin until it pooled at her slender waist. His ravenous eyes gazed upon the site before him. She lay there beneath him, twin mounds heaving with every breath she took.

Her eyes glinted mischievously as she slid a hand up his spine, causing him to tremble at her touch.

Lithe fingers danced along the corded muscles of his back as they nimbly made their way up his neck and into his hair. She began to guide his head to her and he was more than happy to oblige. He assumed that she meant to taste his lips once more, but she began to lead him away from her mouth and down her throat. Immediately picking up on her intent, he readied himself to finally taste the mouthwatering flesh she presented to him.

His tongue snaked out to taste the deliciously hard, pebbled peak of her breast. A low keening met his ears and the tables were finally turned on his seductress.

His warm mouth closed around her supple flesh and began to tug. The skin of her exposed breasts was delectable, and like a man starved he began to devour her.

"Mmm-yeah" she hissed through clenched teeth as her hands began their own exploration. He could feel her hands move to dip into his pants and begin to stroke him. He was quickly awakening and couldn't wait to feel her from the inside.

_BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!_

"What the fu—mph" he began, but was quickly muffled when the beautiful red-head pushed his face back to her ample bosom.

"Ignore it." She bit out softly, focusing on her task.

_BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!_

"I can't." he hissed as she ground her palm on him.

He didn't usually have late night visitors and when he did, it was usually work-related. Whoever it was had better have S-class mission pay to give him. He wasn't about to give up that nice piece of ass for anything less.

He hesitantly ran a hand through his disheveled hair as he slowly eased off of her. As he stood, he reached down to the end table to remove an object before he headed to answer the door. He tucked himself back into his pants, not bothering to zip himself.

A disappointed sigh was heard from behind as he closed the distance to the entry.

_BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!_

The sound was louder this time.

"I'm coming dammit!" he ground out as placed the object between his lips and swiftly opened the door. There on the other side was the last person that he expected to see.

"Genma."

"Kakashi? Man, Now's not the best time..."

----------

Sakura woke with an urgency that she had been dealing with quite a bit recently.

Nausea had struck again as she bolted off of the couch throwing blankets and all, and sprinted to the bathroom.

After emptying the contents of her stomach, she flushed the toilet and attempted to stand as a wave of dizziness overtook her. Reaching out, she grabbed the edge of the pedestal style sink to regain her balance.

She chanced a look at her reflection in the mirror and what she saw was horrendous.

She was the epitome of a train wreck. Bloodshot eyes swollen from crying herself to sleep and a red nose made bulbous by the use of too many tissues, stared back at her.

After Kakashi left, she went to pieces.

It had felt as if her life had ended. She knew that was being over dramatic, but felt that life as she had known it was over.

In a sense it was.

The man that she had loved had left her. Pregnant with his child.

In his defense, he didn't know about the child, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

She remembered the feeling that she had felt as she wept.

Used. She had never felt that way before, but she recalled Ino telling her about it.

Ino had once confided that she didn't understand what she had done to make her latest boyfriend leave her. She was under the impression that everything was going great. Then he dropped the bomb, _'We need to see other people'_, and left her. Ino said she had never felt so used.

Men, who used women in that way never had any intention of being anything more than a casual fling. It was usually get in, get what they wanted, and get out.

Why did they do this? What gratification could come from making another person feel this violated?

Is this what Kakashi had done to her? Had he violated her trust so openly?

Sakura couldn't make herself believe that this is what had happened, but all of the signs were there.

It was in the way he spoke the words _'I never meant to hurt you'_ and _'You'll always be special to me.'_

These weren't the heartfelt words of a man who felt sorry for the heart he was breaking. These words were just quick fall-backs that every man had in their arsenal to deal a quick blow.

They had definitely done their job.

Sakura recalled the last time that they had made love. From the moment he entered her there was a feeling of contentment, as if they belonged this way. Kakashi was slow and leisurely, worshipping her body.

He had treated her as if she was the most important thing in his life. She had never felt more loved than she had in that moment. Little did she know that it would be their last.

She heaved a weary sigh, as she ran her hands, arms made heavy by exhaustion, through her stringy hair.

She really hadn't slept much after Kakashi left. When she finally did make it to the bed, she couldn't sleep in it. The dark linens were drenched in his scent and it was a painful reminder of what they had once had.

She eventually made her way to the couch and continued her break down. Eventually exhaustion set in and claimed her.

Sakura thanked the heavens for the small speck of light in the darkness that had recently become her life; she had the day off and could grieve without an audience. She wasn't sure that she could face anyone after the torment that she had just gone through.

She reached out and turned on the cold water tap and grabbed her toothbrush to rid her mouth of the acidic taste left after her bout of morning sickness. After thoroughly brushing her teeth and scraping her tongue twice, her mouth felt much less like a lab experiment than it had before.

Deciding that she could use a shower, she turned off the tap, put away her toothbrush and headed towards her bedroom. _Her _bedroom.

She pushed open the door that she apparently hadn't closed properly, and stepped in.

It was amazing how empty it felt. It was as if this room was missing something vital. Something crucial to its survival. She knew a room couldn't die, but it seemed that it had. Clearly things that had once been a part of Kakashi's life were no longer there. He had taken his most important possessions with him and had only left a few things that he would collect later. She dreaded that confrontation.

Sakura noticed that he had taken his old team photo of Minato-sensei, Rin and Obito from the nightstand. Kakashi had also taken his prized katana and his ANBU mask and gear. Most of his uniforms were still hanging in the closet, but all of his masks were gone. As she surveyed the devastation, she was stilled by the site of the book case. Her throat tightened as she took in the unblemished shadows that littered the dusty surface of the shelf where his treasured books once lay.

This hit her with more finality than ever. He was truly gone.

Wetness prickled at the corners of her eyes, made emerald by the intensity of stinging tears.

The first tears started to leak over the rims that were keeping them captive and she felt herself begin to cry once again.

She moved over to the edge of the bed and took a seat. She had to get this out of her system or it would eat her alive.

As she leaned forward to put her head in her palms, she heard a distant sound coming from the front door.

"Sakura?"

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

"Open up, I know you have the day off!!" An exasperated voice drifted through the closed door.

'_Ah Shit! Ino!' _Sakura had forgotten that she had made plans to spend the day with her.

"Um...Hang on!" Sakura shouted between sniffles as she grabbed her robe, slid it over herself and began to shuffle in the direction of the door.

She wiped her eyes and nose on the inside sleeve of the garment to remove any traces from her face.

Sakura really didn't want to deal with this right now; she just wanted to be alone. She knew Ino though, and Ino wouldn't take no for an answer.

She reached the door and mentally prepared herself to take on her oldest and closest friend.

With a swift twist of the knob, she pulled the door toward her and caught Ino, fist poised, in mid knock.

"Mornin' Forehead!" Ino chirped. Apparently she was in a good mood this morning.

"I brought you something." She sing-songed as she handed over what appeared to be a tall Styrofoam cup of steaming coffee. From Sakura's favorite stand.

Ino really was the best.

"Thanks, Ino." Sakura graciously replied, taking a moment to inhale the rich aroma." This smells great."

"I saw Ol' One Eye in town and I assumed that he'd already given you a _proper _good morning, so here I am." She smirked mischievously around the rim of her own coffee as she took a sip.

Sakura looked away blankly as she stared at something particularly interesting on the wall in her kitchen.

"Did you forget that you were going to help me find a dress for Friday night? I'm gonna have Shika on his knees begging me to fu…Forehead?" She stopped mid sentence when she realized that Sakura wasn't paying attention to her.

"Hey, are you alright? You look like shit. You really should take proper care of yourself Sakura. A man as fine as Kakashi may start to stray if you continue to let yourself go." Ino said, truly believing that this was helping her best friend.

"He left, Ino." Sakura whispered, barely audible above the stillness of the room.

"Wha..? Yeah, I know I saw him this morning." Ino intoned as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No Ino, he left me." Softly spoken words tumbled from her lips as she ran lithe fingers through wisps of strawberry hued hair.

"Sakura?" Shock was the only way to describe the resonance in her tone.

"Yeah, Ino. He…he…I think he…used me." What else could she say? This was exactly how she felt and maybe if she told Ino she could begin to understand what had really happened.

"Sakura, what happened?" Ino approached, genuine concern etched into her beautiful face and moved her towards the couch.

Once they were settled, Sakura decided that she should come clean and tell Ino the whole story.

Contrary to popular belief, Ino was not a gossip. Of course she did like to tell the occasional juicy story from time to time: who didn't? But when it came to her friends, she always held their feelings in high regard.

Not once had Ino ever told any secret that they had shared and even though she did butt in to Sakura's business from time to time, she did so with her best interests at heart.

"Ino, I'm pregnant." Sakura stated vacantly as if she was having trouble believing it herself.

"Oh my god Sakura; I had no idea." Ino was beyond surprised to hear this. She reached out a steady hand and settled her touch on Sakura. She was trembling all over.

The poor girl was barely keeping it together. Ino was so sure that Kakashi was in love with Sakura, but obviously she had been misled. Apparently Sakura had too.

"Please don't say anything, Ino. Kakashi doesn't know and I'm not sure that now is the right time to tell him." Her voice was so weary, so worn.

"You'll have to tell him sooner or later; unless you're planning on having an abor…" Ino was cut off before she was allowed to finish this sentence.

"NO!! No, that thought never crossed my mind. I _love _him, Ino. Regardless of the situation, that is _not_ an option for me."

"Sakura, please tell me what happened?"

So Sakura proceeded to tell her best friend the story of how her world had just been crushed.

----------

The morning was turning out to be just as bad as his evening had been. After he arrived at Genma's place, Kakashi was thrown a pillow and a blanket and given the couch that apparently Genma was about to have sex on.

He'd rather sleep on the floor, especially considering the circumstances and previous activity, but he was tired and so he placed the blanket over the surface of the couch and lay on top of it.

Sleeping on Genma's couch had been pure torture and his body was now riddled with aches that he was sure hadn't been there when he'd gone to sleep.

Sleep.

That was something that he didn't get much of last night. After he'd gotten somewhat comfortable, Kakashi began to think back to the confrontation with Sakura. Remembering her face as she left him in their living room, made his chest ache. He cared for her deeply and hated to see her upset. She had been trying to talk to him, but being the stubborn ass that he was, he had to be the first to speak. He needed to say it before she tried to complicate things any further.

Hell, who was he kidding? Things were already complicated. It was obvious that she was in love with him. He felt like such a jackass for doing this to her. It seemed that everyone she loved broke her heart.

He was no better than Sasuke. He was worse. He had taken everything she had to offer and then tossed it back at her like a used tissue.

Maybe he'd made a mistake? Had he jumped the gun? Was he scared of what their relationship could become?

Kakashi couldn't let himself believe that what he was feeling was jitters.

No matter what, he was a man driven by instinct and that intuition told him to get out before it was too late.

Was it already too late? He knew one thing; he already missed the comfort of their bed after only one night away from her.

His eyes opened blearily and he maneuvered his stiff neck to the side. Abruptly the sensation of breathlessness overwhelmed him and he hastily pulled down his mask to take in a deep breath.

Out of corner of his eye, he caught site of movement.

In the wingback chair adjacent to him, Genma sat with his arms folded across his chest looking clearly annoyed.

"You suck…you know that right? I was in the middle of getting _laid_ man. What happened to doing a guy a solid, huh?" It seemed Genma's rant was wasn't over, but right now the last thing Kakashi wanted to do was listen to Genma's problems. Kakashi had his own to deal with… thank you very much.

"What are you doing here anyway Kakashi? Why aren't you at home with your woman?" Genma was still unmistakably irritated.

"I mean, shit man, you showing up totally ruined my vibe!" Genma cried.

"Genma I wouldn't expect you to understand, but I needed a place to stay and you were the first person I thought of." Of course that wasn't entirely true. Kakashi had gone through a laundry list of people and he just happened to be walking past Genma's place and he was too tired to think anymore.

"What's going on Kakashi?" Genma could hear the sincerity in his voice and he knew that something must be up if he was asking to stay with him.

"Look Genma, I…left Sakura last night." Kakashi solemnly spoke as swung his legs from his reclining position to touch the floor.

"What? Why would you do that, Kakashi?" Genma was visibly stunned. He figured maybe Kakashi and Sakura were going through a rough patch, but for Kakashi to leave her so suddenly?

"I…just….she… wanted the dream." Kakashi spoke and suddenly his voice sounded very weary. He brushed a hand through his tousled silver mane, made even more unruly by sleep. He really didn't feel any better about his decision to leave her this morning than he did the evening before.

"Why didn't you give it to her?" Brown eyes softened to level a look at his closest comrade. It was too evident to Genma that Kakashi was unsure of his actions, and that worried him. Kakashi usually had all the answers. Had it all figured out. Always knew the next move. On the battlefield anyway.

"I'm not sure that I'm the one to give her that Genma. I don't know if I ever could." A great sigh escaped him. He knew what she wanted, but they just didn't want the same things anymore. Well she did, but he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. Right now he just needed the sovereignty to not have to answer to anyone.

"Why now? What are you afraid of Kakashi?" Genma asked openly, senbon bobbing lightly between his clenched lips.

"I'm not sure that I will ever love again and I don't want to be tied down to a relationship that goes nowhere." He said this so matter-of-factly that he could have been reciting the T.V. listings.

Genma realized that Kakashi may have been comparing his relationship with Sakura to that of his love for Rin. This was wholly unfair to Sakura, but he couldn't voice his opinion to Kakashi. Once his mind was set, there was no changing it.

"I really thought you two would go the distance, man." Genma then spoke shaking his head in disappointment. Whether it was for Kakashi or Sakura, he didn't know.

He did know that Kakashi was hiding something and he wasn't going to get much more from the man.

His heart went out to Sakura, for he knew that she loved Kakashi with everything she had. She would be devastated.

He also felt sorry for Kakashi, because whatever it was that he was dealing with would be nothing compared to the gutting that he would get once their teammates found out.

"Hm."

Discerning that Kakashi was replying to his comment, Genma noticed the elite jounin stand up from his position on the couch and begin gathering his accouterments.

"Where are you going to stay, Kakashi?" Genma was genuinely concerned for his friend. He knew that Kakashi had not kept his apartment when he moved in with Sakura.

"I'm going home." Kakashi's arranged his hitae-ate over his gifted eye and leveled a slated stare at his comrade.

"Home? You're going back to Sakura?" Genma felt relief flood through him; maybe Kakashi was getting some sense.

"No, Genma. Not back to Sakura. I'm going home. Back to my family's home." Kakashi peered over his shoulder as he zipped his vest and secured his shuriken holster.

"It's time for me to go back, it has been too long." He looked to Genma now having finished his task. He shouldered his duffle and extended his hand to Genma in thanks.

"Thank you for putting me up Genma. I'm sorry that I interrupted your plans."

Kakashi headed towards the door to slip on his sandals. Once done, he turned a blank look to Genma, pulled open the door and stepped through.

Genma was left with his hand still in position with a look of confusion on his face.

'_Did Kakashi just apologize to me?'_

Not once in the entire time that Genma knew Kakashi had he ever apologized for any of the things that he had done. And some of those things had been pretty rotten.

Genma knew one thing; Kakashi was going through something heavy for him to dissolve his connection with Sakura. It had to be bad, because he was returning to his childhood home.

The home that had once been the scene of the shameful injustice of a broken man.

----------

* * *

_As always, thanks to sakuraharu for her continued guidance and encouragment with this fic._


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